This week has been an interesting one and I have been at a loss for words. Last Friday, July 20th, Nathan Toews was killed in a car accident. When I read the news, I just sat there shocked and weeping. I did know Nate super well, but he has been such a blessing and light since I first met him. I remember getting to know him and his brothers a bit at apollo and then spending time during the week at SOAR in Montreal with them. I had the chance to sing on a worship team with Nate a couple times and his passion and love for God and for the people around him was always such a huge encouragement to me. I have been inspired by his care and love for everyone he meets, making them feel special and loved.
My heart breaks for Rosanna and the whole Toews-Loewen family. Seeing another family go through such a shocking tragedy brings up a lot of the feelings I had during the times when my brother and dad died and my heart breaks for them, because I feel a piece of the pain they are feeling. This last week I have wept for the loss of Nathan, but also for losses I have experienced. At first I felt bad and guilty, because it wasn't about that, but then I realized that part of going through different feelings of grief again is being able to empathize and feel for those going through it.
It has brought back thoughts for me of whether it is worth it to love at all, because it hurts so much when you lose those you love. Then I am reminded that "Great love opens the door to great pain." If you want to cut off the pain, you have to cut off the joy and love as well and that is no life at all. The pain hurts, but at the same time, it is a reminder of love and joy. My heart has been heavy with prayers for Rosanna and her family and will continue to be so as they walk through their own individual grief.
I will end with these words from John Donne's Meditation 17:
When one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated. God employs several translators: some pieces are translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice; but God's hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for that library where every book shall lie open to one another.
About Me
- Vanessa
- British Columbia, Canada
- i am a person like many of you. we all have a story- this is tiny sneakpeaks into mine.
4 comments:
leah gave me this once:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, inpenetrable, irredeemable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of and perterbations of love is Hell."
-C.S. Lewis: The Four Loves
Not that I could have known, but I had no idea you've lost your dad and brother - i'm so sorry to hear that.
And I'm glad you got over the guilt of weeping about them during the past week, because it's so true that you are able to empathize with Rosanna and the family.
Praying for peace and comfort for you as well.
I actually thought of you a lot over the past week. I think one reason why I wanted to spend so much time with you and enjoyed our picnics so much was that I was clinging to the fact that you are proof that there is happiness after tragedy, and life does go on. You've been a great support Vanessa. Love you!
I am reading this post way after the fact but had to chuckle....that Saturday night in church when they announced Nathan's death you were sitting in front of us and I just started praying for you. It was like God told me that you would be feeling these things....know that you are held up in prayer Vanessa! You truly are an inspiration to so many of us, that tragedy and heartache does not equal a bitter spirit....joy comes in the morning!
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