Happy New Year!

Just watched the ball drop on tv and am now pondering on the new year. I really have never liked New Year's Eve. I'm not sure why... Maybe I just don't understand everyone staying up until Midnight just to say happy new year's. Why do you guys celebrate New Year's? I'm trying to find out what I don't like about it. Perhaps I just don't get the hype? Who knows. But nonetheless I shall wish you all a happy new year and all the best in 2006! God bless!

Change of Plans

So there's been a bit of a change as to my life in the next few months: I'm not going to India anymore. It was realy hard to come to the place where I stepped back and said I wasn't going, but God gave me the courage and strength to do it and although I'm sad for all I will miss in going, I have a total peace in my heart. If you want to know the reasons, ask me and I will perhaps share. I'm staying in Ontario until the 9th and then I guess I'll come home for a while before I leave for Quebec. So here I am not really knowing what's ahead, but simply trusting once again.

Time is running out

Only one more full day at home before I leave for a while. And to answer some concern, I believe I will be blogging in India. I will probably have internet access about once a week and that way I can update all at once.

Today we had a big family gathering and it was so nice to see my relatives and catch up and just to talk with them. What a delight. And such wonderful food too. Then I went to a friend's house to watch "War of the Worlds". I must admit it was one of the worst endings in a movie that I have ever seen. ha! I kind of keep laughing at it, because it seems like that was simply a cop out for an ending. Who knows. Interesting nonetheless.. Now tonight I will sleep fitfully dreaming of aliens coming through my house and incarcerating me. Maybe not though. If I never blog again, you'll know it's happened.

A different sort of Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! Feels strange to say that, as it didn't feel much like Christmas today. Woke up to a really vicious wind and rain storm that knocked the power out for a while. Cleaned my room and worked on some stuff... then i went to a movie with my mom. Shocking how full the movie theatre is on Christmas Day! So this was Christmas for me this year. Perhaps I should ponder it some more as I didn't seem touched by it at all.

On another note, I had a nice birthday. Mixed in with Christmas, but that makes things nice anyway. I feel kind of old. Not that 21 is old. I just feel that I've been graduated almost four years and in a worldly view, I really have done nothing with my life. Sometimes I feel directionless, yet going in many directions. Yet another adventure shall begin as I depart on Wednesday for the beginnings of my trek to India... Yet another direction in which to go.

travel documents ready!

Just to let you all know, I picked up my passport today that had my visa in it for India! yay! The last few days have been really hard and have been a struggle, but God's been showing me tons as I've been persevering through it and He is teaching me much, although it's not easy for sure. So, less than a week until I leave for Toronto and then in two weeks I'll be on my way to India! Crazy! And today (well it's one in the morning, so technically it's christmas eve) is my 21st birthday! YAY! I feel old suddenly. 21. sounds strange. we'll see how the day goes, but for now I'm going to start my birthday off by going to sleep!

are you ready?

Are you ready for Christmas? I think this is the most commonly heard question as Christmas is approaching. But as people ask it and even as I myself have asked it a few times, I ponder at what I am truly asking. Sure, I've bought all my presents, they're wrapped and under the tree, but what exactly am I ready for? The question I should be asking myself is whether or not I have prepared my heart to have Christ move unhindered through my life. Whether my every action is bent at serving Him and those around me. Giving not out of excess, but out of sacrifice. Laying down my life for those around me.
Everyone looks at Santa and simply writes him off as the commercialized holiday symbol, but really, we've forgotten where the tradition of Santa came from and what it really represents. A man named St. Nicholas who generously served and gave to those around Him. That's the spirit of Christmas. God gave us the gift of Jesus, which wasn't simply out of the overflow...that was complete sacrifice. So are we ready to receive the gift of Jesus in our lives fully and completely and share it generously for others, or will we simply get caught up in the ritual of Christmas tradition forgetting what it represents?

a very long day

So, I ended up getting my damaged passport in the mail on friday, allowing me to go into the passport office early this morning. I got there and the wait wasn't too long (only an hour and a half). Then I find out they need to contact my guarantor (person who signs my passport pics, etc.) and then I realize she's gone on holidays... So they send me back home (quite a drive once again) where I have to fill out a new passport form and find someone new to sign all my stuff. Then I drove back and finally got it all done and complete! So if everything goes as planned, I should be able to pick up my passport on Wednesday morning. I spent 7.5 hours in pursuit of a passport today. And this week I'll have gone to the passport office four times. Sometimes I wonder if maybe all this resistance is a sign for me not to go... or maybe it's just that I have to persevere through the struggle of getting everything done. i ask myself what i should be learning through all this, because so far it's been nothing and i'm simply left kind of angry.

passport update

So today I went in to get my passport done. Switched work around so I could leave early and everything. I was so excited to see how smoothly everything went! The lady took my payment, was putting my pictures nicely into the case, and then suddenly looked at the computer screen and a look of horror and mixed regret crossed her face... and she told me that i need my damaged passport to give to them seeing that it's still valid. great. so the consulate in vancouver just mailed it back to me. at least i hope they did-i'm not even sure of that much. so who knows when i'll get it! so now i just await and check my mail diligently daily...

no more passport

My visa to go to india got denied as they told me i need a new passport.

Super. So I leave in less than two weeks and have to get a new passport and then apply for a visa and get that. and that's with a bunch of holidays in there to make the business days less. crazy. and i work every day, so it's hard to get into surrey to get that done.. please pray all will go smoothly and quickly!

seeking

how do you seek God?

(just a question I'm putting out there to hear people's answers, so please comment!)

santa

Today I didn't have so great a day at work. I was snappy and in a bad mood. I just don't really understand why that happens. As I was reading my bible and praying this morning, the verse that kept coming back to me was matthew 6:33, "seek ye first the kingdom of God, and HIs righteousness...and all these things shall be added unto you." For a long time I have been seeking things for myself. It's all about me. It's masked so it seems like it's all about others, but in the end, I always end up benefitting from it...

As I was reading a book this morning I realized that I view God as my "santa clause". something i've always heard of, but never really looked at as something that characterizes my view of God. I have a relationship with Him, but now I see that I"m in the relationship for what I get out of it and as I'm with Him, I'm simply using Him. I have some friends that I sometimes feel used my and it doesn't feel so great after awhile.. When suddenly I realized that that's how I've been treating God, it hit me pretty hard. I want to know God and know His character. And have a two way relationship with Him. Yet I keep going to Him to ask Him for things and to get what I want or think I need in life...

short day

Because I work in the wee hours of the morning and go to bed way to late, my waking day is usually about 19 to 20 hours long. I get a lot down and enjoy myself a fair bit without being too too tired by the end of the day. Today was my one day off a week and I think I slept for WAY too long, because my waking day only consisted of six hours! I still can't believe it and at the moment am exhausted and ready to go to sleep (seeing that i'm lying in my bed with my laptop i'd say i'm halfway there!).

It's strange because when I get too much sleep I end up being in a horrible mood. Today was proof of that and I was absolutely miserable. Then I ask myself if it really is all wrapped up in the sleep factor or perhaps my day wasn't wrapped up enough in the One who is my lifesource. And because of it I couldn't truly live today. I hate those days when I'm totally not at all God-concious. He is my life, my reason to be, yet I neglect Him thinking that just maybe for today it'll be fine. But life really does suck without Him. Today was proof enough of that.

looking down from up high

Today didn't start off so great. My mouth was really hurting from recently having all four wisdom teeth removed and then once I got to work things just seemed to go downhill from there. It all comes back to perspective though I think. Do I have a right to be in a bad mood? In seeing everyone else in the world and seeing what they're dealing with? Maybe, maybe not. I'm not really sure. In light of everything going on around me, is it fitting for me to be in a bad mood just because immediate circumstances seem to give me permission. Doesn't seem right. Yet I subject myself to it over and over again. I look down at everything around me from my narrow steeple of self-righteousness and because I'm blinded into thinking I'm so good, everything around me looks horrible, spoiling my perfect little world that I convince myself I live in. To see myself as I truly am would be scary. Yet I need to let others see that too. Sometimes I just want to keep going with my seemingly perfect, self-righteous world, because at times it seems easier. But it's not worth it.

a lion, a witch and a wardrobe

I saw the Lion, the witch and the wardrobe today and quite enjoyed it. During one of the end battle scenes, I felt a little bad for all the good guys losing their lives. The question crossed my mind as to what exactly they were fighting for. First and foremost they were fighting for Aslan, for Narnia, for their freedom. And they fought with all their strength, fully aware that they could lose their lives.

We're all in a battle, whether we choose to fight it fully or not. I have to wonder, looking at my life whether I am fighting for or against the powers of this world. And am I willing to give my life for this battle? Not just physically, as in that I could die, but am I willing to die to some things that might seem desirable to me as I fight this battle. Or will I surrender to those things and allow my life to be overruled. I want to fight the battle for God fully, not being distracted by any of the enemy's distractions around me. Continually walking in his victory, willing to die to myself and to the sin around me and to serve Him and Him alone! Will you join me in this battle?

music

I love music. I am either singing, humming or simply listening, but I love being surrounded by music whenever I can, especially when driving. While I driving I turn my music as loud as I can (without blowing the speakers) and sing along at the top of my lungs.

Tonight however God was pointing out to me how I let music overtake my mind. Don't get me wrong. Music is a wonderful thing and is an incredible gift from God, but I have taken the gift and let it crowd up my mind, leaving room for little else. As I was listening to the Lord tonight, there was some stuff He was speaking and I knew it was there, but I couldn't hear all of it, because I had this one song stuck in my head that kept repeating itself over and over again. So I think God is asking me to tone it down on the music a bit. As I think about it, I would like to resist and say no way! I love my music too much! But when I see that attitude, i realize that my attitude towards music is not so great and needs to change. So for the next while I will attempt to live more in silence and hear what the Lord is speaking to me.

I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow so I'll have two and a half days off work: yay! Work is the only place where I'm "forced" to be around music. I'm guessing the next few days will be good for simply being in silence and for listening. Hard to do, but I'm looking forward to it at the same time.

are you excited?

I have been requested to update-sorry for the delay!

Things have been busy. I've been working lots and trying to cram as much into every day as I can before I head off to India! I think I'm getting sick though, so perhaps burning the candle at both ends wasn't the best idea!

People keep asking me if I'm excited to go to India. I guess I am. Not particularly though. Not that I don't want to go, but for now I'm just excited to be alive and be living that life that I have where I'm at, serving God where He's placed me. So what to say when people ask me... I haven't really thought much about going to India to be honest. Just living in the here and now and that is exciting enough for me! And when India becomes the here and now I will still be excited. :)