Lately I have been thinking a lot about expectations. I was examining three aspects of expectations: expectations of myself, of others and that others have of me. At first I thought I had no expectations of others, then I realized that I have far too many expectations of other people.. I have expectations of perfection for myself and I project those on other people. I can't meet those, neither can others and so nobody wins in the end.
I want to write a quote from 'The Shack' that was talking about expectations versus living in expectancy. It has helped me reframe this for myself as I approach my relationships and God with a new perspective.
"Let's use the example of friendship and how removing the element of life from a noun can drastically alter a relationship. Mack, if you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation'-spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend."
I understand what is being said here and it makes perfect sense, but I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how to actually can apply to my daily life. Is it truly possible to live free of expectation? As I approach God, I come full of expectations of what I feel He should do and what I think should happen in my life. I insert law into it and attempt to dictate the way in which it goes. Yet, I limit God and leave disappointed and miss completely what He is actually doing and what He is speaking to me. Interesting to consider.
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2 comments:
Expectations, sure are nasty at times. But you have some very interesting thoughts..... I'm off to ponder!
Vanessa, I'm still trying to sort out all the hoopla of the book. I have some concerns with it but I'm trying to understand really what the author was getting at.
I first thought too that perhaps I have to many expectations in my relationships and immediately wondered if should release everyone I love from those and yet I also believe that with my husband at least . ..some expectations that we both keep our marriage vows is a good thing. Hmm, my cousin is likely going to be posting soon her thoughts on the book and it might be worth having a look at it when she does.
Glad to see you had such a great time with your family over Christmas.
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