went to a wedding today. it was the first time seeing a lot of people in the last few years. the wedding was nice. it was in my yard and all the flowers and everything was so beautiful. as we were mingling afterwards, i came to the stark realization once again, that I really just don't fit in. Not sure why. Not sure why I can do to change it. Not sure if I'd truly want to change in those ways.
at the reception tonight, it was really nice... but once again, watching everyone together, made me feel this horrible sense of being alone. I'm frustrated. I think it would be wonderful to be married someday, but I think at the same time the thought scares me, and so I'm cynical against it. Perhaps it's because I'm scared to love and be loved. I feel like no one will ever love me. Not the truth, but I just want someone, anyone to love me for who I really am. Maybe I don't even know who that person truly is and therefore I can't properly love myself.
I'm being sucked into a world that I dont want and I hate, but I love it and long for it. Not sure where I'm at or where I'm going. Just feeling alone and lost. No idea what's around.
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HI! my name is Brittanie!
who got married in you life on aug.6? my sister did also. t'was lovely. HI VANESSA!!!!!
wanted to say that i too have some understanding of how you feel. i too feel so alone in life. i have friends, and i have a family who i love very much, i spend a great deal of time with these people, we laugh and we talk, but under it all, i am so alone and unable to ever feel i can truly join them....anyway....i dunno, i've begun to think most people must feel that to some degree.
hey amy,
yah, thanks for your understanding. strange though that so many people feel that way, yet it seems there's nothing we can do about it. perhaps that's a place that only God can really fill.
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