Thoughts from a Tired Mind

Right now is crunch time at school, but the end is in sight, so that is encouraging. I slightly feel like I am getting a hold on things, so that is good and instills within me renewed hope! Last night I stayed up until four am writing a last minute paper. I have never actually left a paper that late, but it wasn't too bad (except for the final product of the paper that is.. haha!) Amy came over to write alongside me and it was actually one of the highlights of this semester. I don't remember the last time I had that much fun and laughed that hard. We had a really great time and got our papers done as well. Didn't get much sleep mind you, but that made the day at school today all the much more exciting. Only a week and a half left, then exams, and then a week in mexico and then my birthday and Christmas!!
Lately I have been noticing how a lot of my underlying beliefs strongly affect the way I live my life in a not very healthy way. One of these is all or nothing thinking. I have always seen how I have had this regarding school and perfectionist performance. However, I did not realize it was so closely interwoven into my emotions. That I think I have to be feeling all positive or all negative, but nothing in between. This results in large and extreme mood swings that happen far too often. But since I have become more aware of it, the balance that I have been finding is amazing. The other thing I have noticed is that I tend to brush everything off and with my classic saying I say, "It's all good." Well, it's not. Yet I try to convince myself it is. I invalidate any negative emotions that threaten to pop up and it's not a good thing. So, I am learning to validate these things and what that looks like and to find a balance between it all.

I am constantly baffled by all the polar opposites that are present in this life. When looking at God's character, it is full of polar opposites that somehow coexist and form perfection. My life is full of polar opposites, and rather than simply focusing on one extreme, I am learning to find the balance and integration of the two opposite spectrums. It has been hard and draining, but I see a lot of personal growth in it and know that I am moving forward through it all. I have been grappling a lot and struggling with stuff, but once again, I know it is with purpose and it is moving forward and so I am encouraged by it.

Just a few of my thoughts from the last few weeks. Here are some pictures from some fun stuff I have been up to.

Kristen and I went to a hockey game a while back and had a great time. On Sunday I went to the game against Calgary with my friends C, T and C and we had a fantastic time! And Vancouver finally won!! Hoorah!! I have been waiting for this moment for so long!
A precious little girl who has a special place in my heart.

I took Chrystal down to Seattle for her birthday to celebrate! I kept it a secret so she was surprised!! We stayed at the Sheraton downtown and went to the zoo on the Sunday. Other than that, we walked a lot, hung out, bought baby blankets (haha, don't ask), saw a movie, went swimming. It was fun and good to get away as well. My experimental night shot of seattle is above. I like the way it turned out. Wish I had had my tripod though. This was our view from the 20th floor.

Chrystal monkeying around